Video Game player Spoogelord69 from New Baptist, Kentucky was sentenced to 15 years at a labour camp in the Gulag without an Xbox for his potential involvement on a (fictional) twitter account.
It all started on Wednesday Novemeber 10th 2010 when Spoogelord69 wrote “lawl plox at ur girlfriend I haz noodz of her lvl 70 shaman 2900 WHR in TB WTS 40g pst with offer” on his twitter account to the under secretary of the prime minister of bossmanistan. The Under Secretary then reported a possible TERRORIST threat to the Authorities who promptly put down their boston creame donuts and headed over to Spoogelord69’s house. Upon arrival Spooge’s parents directed the authorities to the basement where Spoogelord was holed up. After an hour long journey through empty cans of Monster and Twinkie wrappers the Authorities apprehended the suspect.
In response Spoogelord69, whose name is David Finkstien but also known under the alias’s of “bel biv devo, rock my Talent Tree, and Kris Kristofferson”, accused his friend Lawrence Phillips of hacking his account and sending out the Tweets. Lawrence was not available for comment. Spoogelord was convicted under the anti terrorism act enacted in the 1860’s in response to the rising fear that Turtleneck’s would be taking over the planet. Though the current threat level for Turtleneck’s is at yellow or, black, or mock-neck, it is still a capital offense to make such threats.
Spoogelord69 and his 16,500 achievement points were removed from the XBOX live network on Friday morning prior to the conviction. When asked by the presiding judge Suzy Lawpants, before being taken away to the Gulag, as to why he would convict a crime Spoogelord’s only response was that he was proud he was the first of his friends to get 60/60 achievements in Elder Scrolls Oblivlion.
Welcome to my guide to having a personality gamers! I’m being a total troll here so, you can either disregard this completely or just shut the fuck up and disregard this completely. So! Hey gamers! er….should I say the socially inept? Lets first start with this: The chances are high for you to have the gamer tag you are one of two things: 1. A social retard or, 2. Socially Inept. I mean living in a basement recounting final fantasy lore will never appear in a “keys to success” book am I right? I am. Deal with it. “Success” is all in the eye of the beholder so take that with a grain of salt. Do you think the guys who run NBC, Fox or ESPN or any other major powerhouse business can tell you that they play final fantasy? NOPE. At some point maybe they did but they broke out of that phase because they learned a few things. And, my friends, I’m here to give you some clues how to break out of step 2. The first step is dropping the crappy gamer friends (same can be said of musicians). There are some rules here though.
1. Are you under the age of 25? Yes? Disregard all of this. You are still a social retard with little to no life experience. High School is still closer to you than it is your 40’s. And something happens to those who hit 25, especially guys, where we catch up to girls in the emotional state and that light turns on.
2. Did your friend suffer some through crazy life threatening situation, or did their insanely long and co-dependent relationship with a girl just end? Yes? Disregard it. Some people struggle in life cut em some slack.
3. Have you known them as a friend for greater than 3 years but less than 10? If you know someone for over 10 years – they will piss you off. Get over shit and move on. Life is a series of ups and downs. Tossing away double digit friendships is just flat out ignorant.
Ok. Checklist. 1 point for yes. 0 points for no. Bonus points where applicable.
1. In regards to your online gamer friends (yes gamer there is a 90% chance you have at least one “online friend” – do they email you outside of game time slightly equal to the amount of times you email them?
2. Have they ever emailed YOU instead of just replying to your emails?
3. If your friend who moved away, or is out of town, comes to your town do they contact you greater than 24 hours beforehand to plan time with you? Add +1 if they have plans with multiple other friends and none for you, or guilt you for not making plans on a minutes notice. +10,000 if they tell a friend who then calls you and gives you shit about it.
4. Does your friend text/call you equal to 1/2 of the amount of times you do them?
5. Have you known said friend for greater than 5+ years and still know nothing about their personal life such as family and their subsequent names? Add +1 if they say things like I’m going to visit my uncle tony who lives in Alabama yet you already know where this person lives from 3 years ago.
6. Did they show up at your wedding? Bonus points for if they did RSVP then bail in the week before your wedding via text. Extra triple points if they couldn’t even call you to tell you why they weren’t coming EVEN MONTHS LATER. (social retard alert!)
7. DID THEY INVITE YOU TO THEIR WEDDING?
8. Do they remember your birthday prior to facebook telling you?
9. Do they disappear for months on end without any communication then contact you out of the blue and get mad/passive when you don’t communicate back? Bonus points if this happened more than once in a year’s period. Triple points if this happened over a 2-5 year period.
10. Do they invite you out? Bonus points if they tell you they go out a lot and don’t at least invite you. DOUBLE 2 POINT BONUS if they decide FOR YOU.
11. Do they constantly do things you politely tell them not to that bothers you? Bonus points if it’s something like – stop sending me pron to my work email.
12. Do they constantly or consistently make fun of you for the shows/sports/games/music you like? Please don’t confuse this with a difference of opinions. I’m talking like RPG games suck and are for douchebags after you just said you liked Fable 2 and it was the greatest game you ever played. Or Oasis sucks in every way possible.
13. Do they clown where you live such as….after you buy a cute house in New Jersey. Do they lump you into the douchey category that is the stereotypical person from New Jersey despite living in another state for most of your life. I guess I can just ask “Do they get happy for advancements you are making?”
14. Do they constantly try to one up you? Let me provide some examples. Do they get smug about it and say something like I’ve done all those achievements and not offer to help you get them? Do they say well yeah I’m in “diamond division on starcraft 2”. Do they tell you they played the like game that influenced that not from a standpoint of “yeah it was like this which you may also enjoy” but rather smugly as in “I did that years ago”. Did you really need me to explain that? Add extra 15 points.
15. Do they look like this blizzcon neckbeard? SEEEYA.
16. Does your friend have a “gamer” girlfriend? And no, I’m not talking about a girl who just plays games sometimes. I’m talking full on gamer. The same can be said for the wife that gives your friend shit about playing games sometimes. F’it. I’ll end this quiz right now JUST RUN-AWAY. I can guarantee you this person is an aspie and lives with a total flake/bitch.
0 – your friend is ok
1 – Everyone forgets a birthday ok! -I dont even know MINE.
2 – They suck. Fucking drop em and invest in new friends or bettering yourself. No one needs crappy socially retarded gamer friends.
We had a few friends come over this weekend and we ended up playing Beatles Rock Band! I cannot tell you the extreme amount of joy and pleasure I had when they said LETS PLAY. You know that noise pigs make…I did it.
I’ve been wanting to do 4 player Beatles Rock band for a very long time, obviously, and it was everything I had hoped for. We had 2 guitars, one bass and one regular, drums and vocals. Everyone split duties though I am the only one who didn’t sing. We eventually made the move to Rock Band 2 but encountered some “sync” issues. If anyone has a TV that has a 120 refresh rate be prepared for some fucking lame issues.I’m not saying we knew what the issue was at first but after much fumbling we did manage to figure out that was the issue. If richie were there I’m sure he would know how to do that. Something came to me as we were playing how did we look as if we were the TV. I mean..we were all rocking around and moving but I have to wonder if we didn’t look like this while playing it – which is to say “Totally Moronic”
So, what about you? Do you think everyone looks silly while playing Rock Band, or do you get Ace Frehly’d Up and kick some major ass.