Best of Red Dwarf Quotes Series 1
Here’s a sweet list of quotes from the BBC program Red Dwarf – Series 1.
Lister: [singing] To Ganymede and Titan, yes sir, I’ve been around…
Rimmer: Lister?
Lister: Hmm?
Rimmer: Have you ever been hit on the head with a welding mallet? No? Well, shut up, then.
Rimmer: [discussing his last exam] Lister, last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins.
Lister: You what? You went in there, wrote “I AM A FISH” four hundred times, did a funny little dance and fainted!
Rimmer: That’s a total lie.
Lister: No, it’s not. Peterson told me.
Rimmer: “No, it’s not. Peterson told me.” Lister, if you must know, I submitted a discourse on porous circuitry that was too… radical, too unconventional, too mold-breaking for the examiners to accept.
Lister: Yeah. You said you were a fish!
[edit] Future Echoes
Holly: I am Holly, the ship’s computer, with an IQ of 6000; the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers.
Rimmer: [jogging] Morning, Lister! How’s life in hippie heaven, you pregnant baboon-bellied space beatnik? What’s the plan for the day, then? Slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon, then a bit of a snooze before the main evening’s slob? God, you’re a disgrace to the species. [jogs away]
[Lister]: Good morning, Rimmer.
[edit] Balance of Power
Holly: Jean-Paul Sartre said Hell was being locked forever in a room with your friends.
Lister: Holly, all his mates were French!
Rimmer: What’s this? Learning drugs? They’re illegal, matey! I’m afraid you’re in very serious, grave, deep trouble, Lister. Where did you get them? I want names, I want places, I want dates.
Lister: Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning.
[edit] Waiting For God
Holly: David Lister, Technician, 3rd class. Captain’s remarks: “Has requested sick leave due to diarrhea on no less than 500 occasions. Left his previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years because he didn’t want to get tied down to a career.”
Holly: Arnold Rimmer, Technician, 2nd Class. Captain’s remarks: “There’s a saying amongst the officers: If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well. If it’s not worth doing, give it to Rimmer.”
[edit] Confidence and Paranoia
Cat: Hey, this has been a really good day. I’ve eaten five times, I’ve slept six times, and I’ve made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I’m gonna see if I can’t have sex with something.
Cat: [sings] S-E-X, you know I want it! S-E-X, I’m gonna get it! Yeah! [Cat finds Lister unconscious on the floor.] S-E-X, I think I found it!
[edit] Me²
Lister: Hang on, hang on. Are you saying you never became an officer because you shared your quarters with someone who hummed?
Rimmer: Obviously not just that, Lister. Everything! Everything you ever did was designed to hold me back and annoy me.
Lister: Like what?
Rimmer: Like using my mother’s photograph as an ashtray.
Lister: I didn’t know! I thought it was a souvenir from Titan Zoo.
Lister: Yo, I didn’t know you had any medals. What are they for?
Rimmer: Three years long service. Six years long service. Nine years long service… Twelve years long service.
September 12, 2009 Posted by lurkerbelow | Normal Stuffs | cat, kryten, lister, red dwarf quotes, rimmer, season 1, series 1 | Comments Off on Best of Red Dwarf Quotes Series 1
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The Master Control is a blog that is not even remotely related to what “normal” human beings do. In fact it’s only remotely related to video games. Previously I used to do a podcast with my homey before he bounced, or, went to jail. We will never know. You can subscribe to the podcast here or look us up on Itunes Here! Maybe it will go live again. One day. Someday. Who knows. For now, it’s just me and my insanity and you’ll have to deal with that.
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