Have you ever had a time where you wanted to buy something but couldn’t,or maybe didn’t want to just yet or were hesitant? You’ve had those moments before, I’m sure. Case in point: we both read the reviews about Star Wars Force Unleashed giving you jedi powers with a GREAT story you simply had to read. Then again, there was something inside you that said man those scores on Meta Critic seem a bit silly to me. Exclusive Content for the Wii? Seriously? Jar Jar Binks? REALLY? I know that last bit had nothing to do with the previously mentioned game but we all know that even the slightest hint of Jar Jar Binks appearing in any video game is call for a trip to the bathroom or at least a visit to your therapist. No disrespect to the voice actor, Ahmed Best, who voiced Jar Jar Binks. I’m sure you got paid handsomely dog but mesa thinks that shit suuuucked.
In any case, there was that itch on the back of your arse that said hold up there buddy. And you did. You held UP. Mostly because you hadn’t washed your undie’s for a few days but also because you have a keen intellect matched by only those with 5/5 Mage Tier 10. So lets cut to today and say you see it on sale for 5.99 or, in the “greatest hits” and wonder silently to yourself..greatest hits? Really? Well, sometimes, dudes and dudeettes…..you just gotta say “fuck it” and buy it. It’s only 5.99. What is that to you? 2 hours work at Dairy Queen?
I think the appropriate phrase is “quit being a bitch and come on”
This writer needs to ante up and buy a book that is only 6.99 worth 3 hours of work from his current job.
Let me introduce you to this fucking monstrosity of a site. Now, I realize that I am merely a simpleton who is so fucking lazy that I don’t actually design my own site anymore (hello 5 years ago)..but also cheap (fuck paying for it)..but..come on Lucasarts. What the hell is this shit. It’s like they read the manual for poor design.
Stupidly long load times – check
audio playing from start – check
All dark text – check
small and the most fucking confusing button menus you will ever see ever – check
pray the user “understands” your site – check.
I present to you Star Wars Force Unleashed…2.
Words cannot convey the disappointment I had while playing this game. If you played the demo, forget that you did. It’s nothing like the regular game. While playing it, it felt like some kind of prototype for the next game announcement. “See what we did, and NOW DA DA DUH DA! We’ve made it better.” If you do any amount of research you’ll see virtually every review saying the same thing but we’re not ones to take serious writers reviews too serious. So here’s my serious review. That you too cannot take seriously. Bewm.
Good: The story. I think I’d be equally as happy just watching the cutscene’s than actually playing the game. Ouch. Man. I felt that burn and I’m writing this. The ability to put you in a jedi’s shoes are there so at times you’ll really enjoy blasting people with force powers. It’s there not for all the levels but there are moments. And those moments are wonderful. You’ve got a force push that is pretty killer and force throw. You’ll most likely use these all the time. The game is deceptive in that it drops you in as vadar, and you totally destroy wookies. You can level up in game and further boost your powers as well. So in a sense it’s rpg.
Bad: That was probably the hardest good I’ve ever had to write. Because of so many “buts” that I can put in. The leveling up is cool but you max out everything just through the process of leveling up. So why level up at all? The mobs leveling up too? Yeah. They do but not like obvilion, they’re just always equally as powerful as a jedi. The boss fights are easily the worst elements of game-play. You are force to do button sequences, and if you play like i do, in a cave, in the dark, drunk and one eyed open you’ll find it hard to execute these. If you do happen to execute a few in a row, then you’ll find another set of button mashing sequences. So, if you miss these the process starts over completely and frustration enters the room.
Ugly: For all the talk of a destructible world, it’s just not there. You see clearly the pieces you can pick up. Sure boxes and stormtrooper picking up is cool, and throwing them in the same manner (and not killing them to boot) for the 200th time gets boring VERY FAST. Fighting a rancor, 10 times, not fun. 5 times? ok. Putting out content for the WII, and not for the ps3 and xbox 360 THEN selling it. Not cool.